3 years of Sobriety - my journey and recovery🍹
Hi friends, welcome back! In today's post I'll be sharing my sobriety journey - I can't believe it's been 3 years since I made the decision to stop drinking.
Background
Having a lot of cousins and family members in England, I was there at least once a year to attend a wedding function. The legal age to consume alcohol there is 16 (compared to 19 in Canada), so naturally, I was offered the occasional cocktail/mixed drink/shot during these events. I was curious, I wanted to fit in, so why not?
Side note: Looking back, I'm so glad that when I was consuming alcohol, it was in a safe environment, around my family - I think that's really important in the event that anything happens.
As the years progressed, drinking at these wedding functions, work socials, and dinners became normal. I never got carried away to the point where I couldn't remember what had happened, and coupled with the fact that I never got hangovers, I didn't see an issue with what I was doing.
Fast forward to being 21 and living abroad in the Netherlands for 6 months - there was such a party culture. We used to go clubbing a few times per week, and drank heavily on our weekend trips (Barcelona and Prague, I'm looking at you!) which led to some wild adventures.
Tipping point
Like I mentioned before, I didn't see any issues with my current patterns. I only drank in social situations, and once I was home from the Netherlands, I barely drank, lightly once or twice a month at most.
My thoughts on drinking started shifting with the more social events I attended. I found that alcohol was such a focus of the evening and everyone would be holding a drink. I knew I personally felt more confident/comfortable/social with myself after a few drinks, but I didn't want to rely on alcohol for that. Even though I was always "in control", I felt like I sometimes used alcohol as a scape goat for some of the dumb things I did/said.
I thought about how I really felt and realized I didn't like the taste of most alcohol, unless it was a super sweet mixed drink which basically tasted like juice.
Fresh from a break-up in early 2018, I took a serious look at who I was and who I wanted to become.
I wanted to live my life fully aware and authentically, and I knew that the path I wanted to go down didn't have drinking in the picture. I know for some, it might be possible to scale back a bit or set limits, but I have a very all-or-nothing personality, and I knew that even though my drinking patterns weren't destructive, I didn't want any of it in my life.
After downing my Xth Jägerbomb at a work social, I told myself that would be the last one for a while.
Initial sobriety period
I never was one to drink regularly, so not drinking wasn't hard most of the time. It was only in social scenes where I would have to ask for water, or a mocktail, or nothing at all.
Since everyone would always be holding a glass, I found it helpful to do the same just so that I would feel more comfortable. It did get a bit awkward when people would ask "what are you drinking?" and I would have to tell them and also usually explain why I wasn't drinking.
I'm so grateful for those friends and family members that were supportive of my decision but equally thankful to those that tried to tempt me, because that just made me stronger. To those that told me that they missed the "old me" or that "I wasn't fun anymore" - I really had no reply. Yes those times were so fun and yes, I made some great memories, but I truly feel like I experienced everything in that realm that I needed to and that I was ready to move on to the next chapter of my life.
After attending some events and staying fully sober, I began to realize some interesting things.
People would talk about what they were drinking, ask me what I was drinking, talk about what they wanted to drink next, and I just wasn't about that
The venues were often much more grimy than I remember but I think that's just because alcohol blurs the true reality of things
The conversation was all surface level. Not saying there's anything wrong with that, and definitely not expecting to have soul-searching conversations with everyone I meet, but I just knew I could be spending my time in a better way
I realized that these events didn't add anything to my life, I would come home late, sleep late, wake up later than I wanted to, and wonder why I put myself through that, time and time again.
Now, I prefer to socialize in more intimate settings, so maybe one on one or with only a few others over dinner, or other activities during the day because that's when I know I can give my best and be fully present.
Since then, things have gotten better. All the people I care about know I don't drink and therefore, our social activities have shifted to something that we can all enjoy.
Obviously there have been temptations that have come up, for example, going to Portugal and not trying any wine despite the countless invitations from restaurants and locals or going to an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, where the main focus is to sit on the beach, party and drink. In my eyes though, I knew how I felt under the influence, I didn't like who I became, and I was already so strong for sticking to my sobriety that I didn't want to break it because of pressure from others.
But again, I can see how it's so easy to get swayed by our friends, family and even the situations that we might find ourselves in but we must remain strong and remember why we're on this journey.
Now in the present day, it's been 3 years, definitely don't miss alcohol or find myself wanting to just have a sip. I love how confident I am without needing a drink, and those social events where I've ben completely sober are some of the most fun times I've had.
Last year, I did have the fleeting thought of "what if I started drinking again? how would that be?" But I realized going down that road wouldn't serve anyone, I would be ruining my beautiful body that I spent so much time learning to accept and love, I would be succumbing to social norms, and I wouldn't be progressing my life in the direction that I want. So yes, I do have those thoughts, I'm also human, but I would never seriously consider introducing alcohol back into my life again.
If you made it this far, thank you so much for taking your time and reading this. Talking about such personal topics is never easy, but I truly believe that we grow when we are the most uncomfortable.
Sending you lots of love and light,
-Reina xo
#sobriety #roadtorecovery #sobersisters #breakthecycle #torontobloggers #selflove #selfgrowth #soberliving