Focusing on what matters most - Essentialism by Greg McKeown 📚

"If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will"

I found myself highlighting a lot in Greg McKeown's book Essentialism, but that was the line that stuck with me and jarred me the most.

Since libraries are closed (#covid), I’ve started reading more on my Kindle again and I’ve been loving it!

How true is it that if we don't stand up for ourselves and take charge of our lives, the decisions will be made for us? Yet equally true is how many times we let others make those decisions for us.

I'm sure we've all those days where we predict it to go one way, but then "life" happens and before we know it, the day is over and we're asking ourselves, "What did I even do today?" (These days usually consist of people hijacking our day, "urgent" tasks popping up, and basically all things related to filling other people's agenda and not yours)

In this book, McKeown contrasts two types of people, the Non-essentialist and the Essentialist.

The Non-essentialists are people that spread themselves too thin, the ones that try to do everything, to fit everything into their calendar, always saying "yes" at anything asked of them but ultimately feel out of control, overwhelmed and tired.

On the other hand, the Essentialist is the one that only does things that matter, the one that says no to everything except the essentials, and feels in control by living a meaningful life.

If you find yourself identifying with the Non-essentialist, you really can't be blamed. With the plethora of choices available to us, social pressure and the idea that "you can have it all", there's a reason we all try to pack 5438294 things into our days, over-promise and under-deliver.

Now I should caution you that Essentialism is not a productivity book about how to get more done; rather, it's about how to get the right things done.

It's about asking yourself what the essentials are, eliminating everything else and asking yourself if you're investing in the right activities.

McKeown was right in saying that once you become an Essentialist, you will find that you aren't like everyone. So few people can truly embody and live this type of life, that it can be hard to find people that really "get it". But we're all on this journey together, and trying our best which is what matters.

The book is split up into four parts (Essence, Explore, Eliminate, Execute) starting with what an Essentialist is and then how one can go about implementing the principles into their own lives.

Essence

What is the core logic of an Essentialist?

Essentialism is a different way of doing everything, not just one way of doing something.

We often forget that we have the ability to choose, which leads to learned helplessness. For example, speaking up when someone tries to volunteer you for something, or saying no when invited to an event. When we surrender our choice, we give it to someone else and let ourselves believe that the power is in their hands, when in fact, the choice is ours.

An Essentialist also recognizes that trade-offs are real and doesn't try to straddle between both. For example, can you really make it to that workout class and go out for drinks after work?

Probably not, but you'll say yes to both and then end up stressed thinking about being late to one or the other. It's just not worth it, which is why saying yes to one thing means saying no to the other. Ask yourself what your priorities are, and then go big on those.

The book gives an example of a four-burner stove with each burner representing your family, friends, health and work. In order to fully excel in some areas, you have to lower the gas to the other burners.

Explore

So now we know that Essentialism means focusing on the things that truly matter. But how can we decide what's actually important and discard all the noise?

The first step is to explore.

McKeown gives several tactics which I'll briefly summarize below:

Escape: Create a space to escape life, whether it be a digital detox or physically going away somewhere. When was the last time that you were bored and just let your mind wander?
Look: See what really matters in your life, and look at the big picture. The book suggests keeping a daily journal for 90 days and then re-reading the evaluating the patterns.
Play: We are told that playing is a waste of time when actually it leads to brain plasticity, adaptability, and creativity so let that inner child out 🙂
Sleep: The best asset we have is ourselves, so protect it and grow it. You know how I feel about sleep so let's not harp on this one too much.
Select: Be selective with your time and energy - if the answer isn't a definite yes then it should be a no. Ask yourself, "is this exactly what I'm looking for?"

Eliminate

Great - we've figured out what we want to cut out but now how do we go about doing this?

Dare: We have to learn to say no. Don't come at me with all your reasons because I've been there too, but mastering the graceful no is essential. The biggest takeaway from the book is to separate the decision from the person - you're not denying the person. Also remember a clear no is better than a vague yes, so don't commit and then end up flaking. Other tactics include saying "No, but X", saying you have to check your calendar, or just pausing until they get the hint (definitely the most awkward but funniest one).
Uncommit: Separate yourself from the losses, cut that friendship of 9 years because it doesn't serve you anymore, sell those stocks you've been losing on for so long and stop fearing that you're missing out. If you're living your life the way you want to, nothing else matters.
Edit: Make it easy for yourself to cut out the unnecessary things (more in the next section below), because the less options we have, the easier it is for us to choose the right ones.
Limit: Exactly how it sounds - set your boundaries and don't let people distract you from your purpose. If you're trying to get work done but someone keeps coming into your room, put a note outside your door. It's not rude and we all need our own alone time.

Execute

So we've made it here to the final step, maybe weeks, months, years(??) later!

We know what's important to us and we've eliminated all the BS. In order to make ourselves focus on the essentials, we have to make it easy on our brains so that we keep the positive habit loop going.

Buffer: Have a plan and look ahead for unexpected events and add 50% to your original time estimates for calendar blocking. We're not superhuman robots (yet) that can get eveything done in the time we optimistically allot ourselves.
Subtract: Remove blocks that cause friction between you and the important items. Refer to this post for more tips!
Progress: Start small and celebrate wins along the way and try to do something today that your future self will thank you for tomorrow! Again, this post is great for ingraining good habits.
Focus: Let yourself live in the present moment. Remember that you can multi-task (i.e. chew gum while walking) but not multi-focus (i.e. have a decent conversation with someone in real life while replying to the latest message on your phone). Focus on what's important now.
Be: As my main man Socrates put it, "Beware the barrenness of a busy life". Don't be so caught up in doing things that don't matter, involve yourself in activities you actually enjoy and live your life with more joy.

Concluding thoughts

Thank you for making it to the end of the first installment of #readingreina. I read so many books that I love taking notes on, and if I could just help one person out there better their life, then I've done my part.

Just remember that this is not an all or nothing approach. Personally, I know it can be so difficult to implement these rules in the workplace (as an example). How do you tell your superiors that you only want to focus on the essentials? Are most of us even at that level where we can turn down 9/10 opportunties that come to us? Probably not.

But that doesn't mean we can't start implementing these teachings in our personal lives. How many times do you find yourself stuck in situations that could've been avoided if you just said no?

Life is too short to be doing things you don't want to - remember that you always have a choice.

And remember: Weniger aber besser. Less but better.

Sending you lots of light and extra good vibes,

-Reina xo

p.s. As always, here are the original notes I took when reading!